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Monday, August 08, 2005

The Art of Dissing

The art of "Dissing" is very widespread amongst the youth of day, which unfortunately for you, includes me. The new age of millennium children are now born with an inherent ability to be able to diss anyone, anywhere and ofcourse, at any time. For those of you who are not aware of the entire "Ghetto" social system of teenagers, then my definition of Dissing may help to get you familiarised with it. So here goes:

"Dissing, also referred to as Cussing, is an act whereby one individual attempts to get one over another individual by exchanging 'lyrics', commonly known as words. In this way, the individual attempts to elevate his or her ego over the other. This is commonly seen in parliamentary debates in the House of Commons."

I personally have now mastered this art. It comes from practicing every day on forums, chat rooms and in day-to-day life. This is the new system of argumentation with another being. In order to practice Cussing you can do the following:

  1. Start your own Blog similar to this one, pick an issue and start ripping the issue apart.
  2. Go to a chat room (preferably a Christian one) and pick a fight. This is also known as Internet Trolling.
  3. Study philosophy at a deep level. You will discover many flaws in so called religions. Use your new found knowledge and get into discussions with people of different faiths at work, university and school.
  4. The final advice I can give is to remember the 'The Gospel of the Art of Dissing' as summarised in the three lines below:
  • Have you heard of a bridge? Try jumping off a one.
  • Have you heard of anti-aging cream? Well then try drinking some, because wearing it clearly has little effect.
  • Have you heard of a face-mask? Well, you should get one, because your face clearly lacks common human features.

The disses you see above are the result of spending 3 long years in the Dissing (with a capital D) industry. You'll be surprised at their staunch effectiveness in Internet conversations. However, the Art of Dissing does not end there. No, no! This is the just the beginning of the end. Now once, you've learnt the Gospel of the Art of Dissing you must move on to understand types of Dissing.

As you become more experienced and move from a noob to a more advanced Disser, you will find that there are 3 main levels or types of dissing. These are shown below:

  1. Higher Level - These disses consist of very intellectual exchanges of words. These are most commonly used by politicians. Knowledge and carefully constructed lyrics are used to cuss the other person into the ground and destroy his/her belief systems. The higher level cussing is not very exciting (no wonder all politicians take Drugs in the toilet), however, it is a very constructive art form which usually leads to a good result.
  2. Middle Ground - The middle grounders are a combination of low and high level resulting in an overall medium tone of Dissing. They involve one or two lines of intellectual argument and the rest is just low level. The excitement level for this type of cussing is high but middle ground cussing is not very constructive.
  3. Low Level - This is by far the most exciting and adrenaline pumped type of cussing. Much like the type of cusses found in the Good Book (also known as the 'The Gospel of the Art of Dissing') the exchange of lyrics is fast and the point is usually to see who can shut who up. All you noobs must learn this rope before going up the cussing ladder.

P.S. Most low lives, who walk around the streets as if they have a glass bottle wedged up their arse think they can cuss. However, 9999999 times out of 10 they cannot. (There is no decimal point on purpose - this was a middle ground cuss).

So there we have it people the beautiful and magnificent art of trying to uplift your lack of ego for no apparent reason. I hope this helps parents to further misunderstand their warped children and I hope that my posts from now on shall become more degrading and pointless. Go and preach the Gospel my little missionaries and use your God given wings to fly. G'day.